Your Dating Mindset: How to keep going when you want to quit

dating dating advice dating tip
Lao Tzu quote emphasizing the importance of keeping going in dating and in life

When you start online dating, it can seem exciting and even fun. You scroll through your chosen dating app swiping right and left on potential partners. There are so many attractive, single people, that you feel hopeful that you will be able to find one person who is the right match for you

You go on one date and then another. Soon, you are going on multiple dates a week. One day, you realize that no matter what you do, there’s no change. You’re still single. You're still alone. You realize you're burned out by online dating. What started out as fun has become an endless slog through disappointing dates.

It's challenging to continue doing something when you don’t see results. Some goals, like learning French are linear. Yesterday you didn’t know the word for duck or horse in French and today you do. You see your progress and you feel encouraged to keep going.

Dating is binary.  Either you've met the right person or you haven’t. While it's natural to feel discouraged when you don't see the results you hope to achieve, how can you find the motivation to continue?

You can’t control when your perfect partner shows up

One of the most frustrating things about dating is that effort doesn’t equal impact in the same way that it does with other goals that you might have. You can’t control when your perfect partner shows up. But, you can limit your emotional wear and tear while you wait. A nd, you can ensure that you are available when he (or she) makes an appearance (finally!)

Success with dating comes down to your mindset

Your mindset will ensure that you are in the game and read when your perfect partner shows up. Start by reminding yourself that:

  • You are committed to finding a long-term partner because your future happiness is important.
  • You appreciate everything that you're doing to find the right match.
  • Bad dates are part of the learning process. 

These thoughts will help you stay positive and in the game until the end. Of course, you can’t just decide one day to have a new mindset and expect it to happen instantly. When you decide to change your mindset, you activate your inner critic.

We all have an inner critic who delights in pointing out all of the ways that we are less than perfect. If you have a particularly loud inner critic developing a new mindset will take practice.

The best way to start is by recognizing the old mindset and then deliberately replacing it with a new one. With time, your new approach will become more natural and automatic. Here are some mindset shifts that should help.

6 Ways to encourage yourself and build a dating mindset

  • Identify a new skill you want to practice like asking questions or staying in the moment. Turn it into a game for yourself by setting targets for you to hit, like 3 questions in the first 10 minutes of the date, or noticing when you are distracted by something your date says. Celebrate your wins!
  • Motivate yourself to date by having every date count towards your favorite charity. Ask your friends to sponsor you just as you would for a charity walk. Instead of sponsoring you by mile ask them to sponsor you by date. Give the proceeds to your favorite charity at the end of each quarter.
  • Look for new ways to enjoy the date. Your date may not be a keeper, but perhaps at least you got to try a new coffee shop or take a walk on a sunny spring day.
  • Connect with your reason for dating. Remind yourself why it’s important to you. What will be amazing about it once you’re done? What is the possibility you’re creating? Remind yourself of why you care every day.
  • Celebrate your small victories. Yes, your goal is to find a partner. But what are some of your other wins along the way? Did you practice being assertive or trusting your intuition Did you make a new friend? Find a potential match for your sister or best friend. Congratulate yourself! Yay you!!!
  • Remember to stay positive. Find encouraging things to say yourself. We speak to ourselves in the positive way that we speak to our friends. Instead, we tend to be discouraging or critical. Try treating yourself as you would your friend. Remind yourself that "You got this." "You’re doing a great job. "You are courageous!" It might feel silly at first, but that’s because we’re not used to it. Give being positive a try and see how it works

I hope these ideas help.  Start by trying one or two and see how effective they are at encouraging you. If they don’t, try a different one.

Have a favorite? Send me a message and let me know!

Ready to develop a dating mindset to ensure that you win at online dating? Step up a free call today!

Good luck!


About Me 

Hi, I’m Rachel and my coaching practice is dedicated to ensuring that successful professional women achieve the same success in their romantic relationships that they have in their careers.

If you are struggling to find a great partner to date or marry, I can help.

As a coach, I understand that each person's journey to a great partner is unique. That's why I offer customized coaching plans for your situation.

Together, we will work towards uncovering the underlying patterns and beliefs that may be holding you back from finding the relationship you are looking for and we map out a plan tailored to you.  I will be there to support you every step of the way.

Don't let another year pass without finding the love you deserve. Contact me today to schedule a free strategy session and begin your journey toward the partner of your dreams. 

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