Why You Didn't Get a Second Date: Three Common Pitfalls for Professional Women
Do you find yourself wondering why a first date didn't lead to a second, even though you felt the first one went well? I recently participated as a panelist in a Chief dating seminar for professional women. During the seminar, one of my co-panelist, matchmaker, Kara Laricks, shared the three most common reasons professional men give her for deciding not to go on a second date. Today I want to share her insights with you.
Your date wasn't attracted to you.
There are so many reasons why someone may or may not be attracted to you. And the other person’s reasons can often come down to something that you wouldn’t change about yourself even if you could.
Maybe the date is looking for a partner who has a different energy than you have. Or, they might be trying to recreate an old family pattern and are looking for someone who treats them badly. I had a date tell me that he couldn’t date me because I have freckles and he found them dirty.
Yet many women, when they hear that a potential partner isn’t attracted to them view this as a catastrophic failure, but it's not. Just as you can't control who you're attracted to, your date can't control who he/she is attracted to.
How to fix a lack of attraction on a first date:
Stop worrying about it. Don’t fret that there is something wrong with you or try to twist yourself into a pretzel to please fit someone else's idea of attractiveness Focus on being you. It’s the best way to find someone who appreciates you for you. Link to a blog post
Every product has a target market and your date was not your target market!
You made it feel like a job interview
Ideally, a date should be a relaxed, enjoyable way to get to know someone better and not feel like a job interview. But when you are racing from the office to meet your date while battling traffic and explaining again to your ex that your son isn’t old enough to watch that TV show, it can be hard to shrug off the day and approach the date in a relaxed and friendly manner
Often professional women fall into the trap of bringing their work persona to their date and approaching the date with the same energy that they use when interviewing for a new member of their team. This can make the date feel formal and awkward rather than a chance to get to know each other.
It’s not an interview: A better approach to a first date
Instead, try taking a moment to decompress before you met your date. Try slowing down your breathing, closing your eyes, if it’s safe to do so, and getting in touch with your senses. What are you feeling, hearing, or smelling? Now, bring that more relaxed energy to your date. Mention tastes, sights and smells to your date and then relax into your date and let the conversation flow naturally. It’s the best way to get to know your date and determine if they are a keeper or someone to be tossed back for another woman.
It was hard to schedule the date with you
Sure you have a busy schedule. But being super busy when dating can give the impression that you aren’t all that interested in meeting someone. If your date feels like you're not interested, they're likely to move on to someone who is.
How to make it easy to spend time with you
The best way to overcome this objection is to make it easy to schedule dates with you. Even if it feels like a juggling act when you are communicating about the date try to make it feel easy. If your date suggests a time that doesn’t work, respond with times when you are available.
Dating can be challenging, but by being aware of these potential pitfalls, you can take steps to avoid them and increase your chances of finding a quality person for a loving, long-term relationship!
Good luck!
About Me
Hi, I’m Rachel Simeone and my coaching practice is dedicated to ensuring that successful professional women, just like you, achieve the same success in their romantic relationships that they have in their careers.
If you find yourself struggling to find a great partner to date or marry, I can help.
As a coach, I understand that each person's journey to a great partner is unique. That's why I offer customized coaching plans for your individual situation.
Together, we will work towards uncovering the underlying patterns and beliefs that may be holding you back from finding the relationship that you are looking for and we map out a plan that is tailored to you. I will be there to support you every step of the way.
Don't let another year pass without finding the love you deserve. Contact me today to schedule a free strategy session and begin your journey toward the partner of your dreams.
