Smarter Dating: Honest and Direct is Better Than Nice

dating dating advice
Shows Dating Coach Rachel Simeone and the title, Smarter Dating: Honest and Direct is Better than Nice

While most of us realize that honest, authentic communication is important to creating genuine connections, not all dating app users agree. With one dating strategy known as catfishing, the user deliberately misleads you in the hopes of establishing a relationship.  While can be disappointing when you discover the discrepancy, it can quickly turn awkward if the prospective date pushes you to accept them despite their lack of transparency.

 A client had an experience with a man on a dating app who, after setting up a time to meet, mentioned that his photos were "a bit old." After she requested updated pictures, it became evident that the man not only appeared older but also less fit than his online portrayal. Feeling misled, she told the guy that she wanted to cancel, but the man insisted that they proceed with their date. He assured her that he was a great guy and insinuated that she was shallow for focusing on age and looks. She wanted to cancel the date but she was concerned that doing so would hurt his feelings.

She wanted to say no to the date, but still be nice. 

While it's commendable that she wanted to avoid hurting him, it's important to keep in mind that he created this situation by misrepresenting himself in the first place.  Additionally, he was trying to manipulate her into feeling guilty about refusing to meet someone who had lied to her.

Ultimately, my client decided that ending further interaction with a guy who had misled her top goal. Instead of prioritizing niceness, she opted for honest and direct.

Honest and direct can be applied to all areas of dating

Have you experienced the sting of being ghosted by a date? If so, you know how much that can hurt.  Yet, many daters say they ghost because they didn't want to hurt the other person's feelings. Remarkably, they were trying to be nice. 

A better approach is to tell your date that you don't feel it is a match.  Taking 2 minutes to tell him or send a text letting him know that he is not your Mr. Right not only is not only kinder, it also saves you aggravation. You won't receive unwanted messages from your date. You won't have an awkward moment if you run into your date when you are out running errands. It's ultimately the kinder approach. 

It's okay to stay vague about the reason you don't feel you are a match 

When you tell a potential date that you aren't interested in further dates, some may try to argue or ask why.  Remember that you are not obligated to give them an explanation. Just tell them it is a feeling, not anything specific, and don't allow them to drag you into a discussion or argument about their merits or lack thereof.

As women, we have often been taught to be nice, but in this case, being honest and direct will you save time and ultimately help you find the right match faster. 

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