How to find a real relationship with a great guy

A lot of dating advice for successful professional women is focused on convincing us that the solution to dating is to better understand men and why they behave the way that they do. That’s nonsense. It’s impossible to know why certain men choose to behave the way that they do, and a waste of time trying to figure it out.

A far better approach is to focus on finding a man who treats you the way you want to be treated and to promise yourself that you will keep dating until you find him.

Today, I am going to share with you my 5-step plan to finding just that man. This guide is designed for professional women who are determined to achieve the same success that they have in their careers in their next relationship.

This is the process that you will experience in my signature program. However, if you are more of a DIY kind of gal, I have shared the highlights below.

Step 1: Unpack your dating patterns

Do you keep meeting the same guy over and over? Do you seem to attract men who remind you of your ex or your father? Or, do most or all the men you meet have a critical shortcoming? If you can identify similarities in the men that you meet, you are most likely stuck in a pattern.

What is a pattern?

A pattern is an automatic way of thinking and behaving. Have you heard the expression “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results?” That’s the power of a pattern.

Achieving the same results over and over, whether it is with the men that you date or the team that you lead, indicates that there is a hidden reason why you are encountering those results.

It can be helpful to think of a hidden pattern as you on autopilot. Sometimes, when we are having trouble achieving the results that we desire when dating, our autopilot needs adjusting.

Take a moment to consider why you can’t find the right man to date. Complete the following:

• The men I meet are all:
• The reason I can’t/never meet someone I want to date is:

Pay special attention to words like ”all”, “every” and “should”. Those words often reveal unconscious patterns that you need to unpack to find your Mr. Right.

Learn more about the habits that are keeping you from the relationship of your dreams.

Step 2: Quiet your fears that you aren’t worthy of a great guy

Do you have a voice inside your head that is constantly telling you that you will never find true love? A voice that has a million reasons why you will never find someone who treats you with kindness and respect? A voice that is constantly pointing out that you shouldn’t even bother trying to find a nice guy?

Perhaps your voice thinks that you aren’t thin enough, witty enough or your boobs aren’t big enough. Whatever your concern, the good news is that you can make that voice a whole lot quieter. And, quieting your negative inner voice is crucially important if you want to find your Mr. Right.

Why is it so important? Here are the three top reasons:

• Without your negative voice chirping in your ear, you will be happier. And if being happier isn’t enough, keep in mind that happy people attract happy people (and happy men).
• If you like who you are, you are more likely to find someone who agrees with you and appreciates you for who you are.
• Conversely, if you agree with that inner voice and believe yourself to be flawed, you are more likely to attract a man who agrees with you, and he may have his own negative thoughts about you as well.

So how do you silence your negative thoughts about yourself? You can get more tips in my blog post, Quiet Your Fears That True Love Isn't Your Destiny.

Step 3: Be clear on your criteria

If you don’t know what you are looking for, you can be sure you won’t find it. Still, most women only have a vague idea of the type of man who would be their ideal partner. If they have taken time to think about what they hope to find, their focus tends to be on things like height, a graduate degree or similar interests.

Additionally, many women, once they have found someone who has checked a few of the boxes, tend to ignore glaring evidence that this man is not someone that is going to make them happy in the long run.

How do you avoid these pitfalls?

First, spend some time thinking about what you are looking for in your next partner and write it down. You can include things like height, fitness and a master’s degree, but be sure to also include things like how you want to feel when you’re with your partner and which values are important that you share.

Once you have the list ready, go through it and ask yourself why certain criteria are important to you.

For example, why is height important? One woman was initially focused on finding a man who was at least 6 feet tall. Once she completed this exercise, she realized that she had always felt big and she wanted a man who made her feel petite. At 5’6” and 120 lbs she was hardly big, and by questioning her assumptions she was able to realize that feeling appreciated and supported in a relationship was more important than height.

Maybe the reason you want someone who has a graduate degree is that you want to be sure that your partner is able to talk about things that interest you. Whatever your reason, make sure you understand any hidden motivators behind the must haves on your list.

Once you have fully vetted your list, list your top five priorities first. Next, make a plan to determine how you are going to vet your date to determine if he meets your criteria. Finally, determine what you will do if your date doesn’t meet your top five priorities.

Step 4: Download a dating app and use it!

We would all prefer that Mr. Right wander into our life one day and sweep us off our feet. However, according to Stanford researchers, 39% of singles meet their partners online. Thus, if you are serious about finding your special someone, you need to be sure that you leverage this important source of romantic prospects.

The first set to being successful on a dating app is attracting the right type of guy. I cover exactly how to do that in my guide, How to Write the  Perfect Online Profile. It’s focused on the unique challenges of profile writing for successful professional women and will help you improve your odds of finding your dream guy.

Step 5: Developing a dating mindset

Here is some unfortunate news about looking for your Mr. Right:

• There are going to be bad dates.
• There is going to be disappointment and possibly heartbreak.
• There is going to be rejecting and rejection.
• There are going to be times when you wonder if you should keep going when what you are doing yields few positive results.
• It’s not always going to be fun.

A lot of women get hung up on the idea that finding love shouldn’t feel hard or difficult. There is a belief that finding the right guy should feel natural and effortless.

While a relationship with the right person will feel natural, the search for that person will feel more like job hunting. When you look for a new job you look for a company that will treat you fairly, a company where you will fit in culturally, and an organization that appreciates and leverages your skills.

When you are job hunting you don’t expect to meet someone in a coffee shop who will offer you the perfect job. You don’t stop job hunting because it isn’t fun, it’s boring or because it is painful to get all those rejections. You just keep going. Keeping going is what has made you successful in your career and it is what will make you successful in dating.

So how do you keep going when you feel beaten up, discouraged and heartbroken? The key is to recognize that these feelings will come and to keep going despite that.

You can read more about it in my blog post, Frog Kissing: Moving from Dating Disappointment to Dating Success.

Promise yourself that you will settle for nothing less than Mr. Right!

A final word

It takes courage to spend time looking at how your dating patterns and your critical self-talk may be unintentionally sabotaging your best efforts to meet a great guy. And it takes courage and determination to keep dating even when it feels hopeless.

Your perfect guy is out there and you have the courage and determination to find him. You are amazing!

About Me

Hi, I’m Rachel Simeone and my coaching practice is designed to empower high-achieving professional women to achieve the same success in their romantic relationships that they have in their careers. Through my signature coaching program, you will learn how to escape the misery of awful dates, meet better men and accelerate your ability to find a great partner.

Check out my program to learn more about how we can partner to develop your custom dating strategy to the right relationship.

To get started, schedule a free dating strategy call.  On this call, we’ll identify your dating goals, establish your dating style, and discuss a dating strategy that will empower you to find the relationship you desire faster and with less emotional toll.