We’ve all had bad dates. Dates where the date drones on and on and on, never pausing for a breath or to ask you a question. Dates where your date spends more time looking at other women than you. Dates where the person is pushy, inappropriate, or someone you just aren’t attracted to.
Bad dates suck. And, If you are committed, truly committed to finding your one and only, there are going to be some bad dates along the way. It’s the nature of frog kissing.
One of the keys to successful online dating is being able to cut your losses quickly and move on. To do that it is helpful to have a dating strategy, a plan for meeting and screening potential partners. Part of your dating strategy should be a way to end bad dates, quickly and politely so that you can spend your time with more promising candidates.
Set your mindset
While each date that you go on has the potential of being a magical date, one that will be the end of the dating hamster wheel, it is more likely, that any one date will not be the guy of your dreams.
So, when meeting someone for the first time, it can be helpful to think of the date as a quick meet & greet to see if you would want to spend more time getting to know the person.
Keeping your expectations lower will make it easier, if the date is disappointing, to acknowledge it to yourself and move on to ending the date.
Reduce the risk
The first step in ending a bad date is to limit the amount of time that you spend on a first date. A too-long first date can turn a tedious 30 minutes into 2 hours of boredom.
How you plan your date plays a big role in how much time you will need to spend with the person. A cup of coffee will be a much shorter date than dinner. Drinks after work, if you are hungry, can morph into appetizers which can then become a second glass of wine which can make a bad date longer and more expensive than necessary.
The goal of a first date should be to determine if a second date is something you might enjoy, so plan to do something that you can get in and out of in 30 minutes. If the date is great, you can make plans to see each other again.
Make it clear that you won’t be lingering
When you meet a friend or a business associate for lunch or a cup of coffee, it is perfectly acceptable to tell them that you have to leave by a certain time for another commitment. You should plan to do the same when dating.
This tactic can help ensure that you don’t spend more time than needed on a less than promising date. Telling your date that you have other plans or that you need to finish some work sets the expectation that you have a time limit. You don’t need to specify when you have to leave exactly, so if the date is wonderful, you can always choose to stay a little longer.
But if it turns out that your date isn’t your Mr. Right, having other plans allows you a graceful getaway.
End the date gracefully and honestly
Your date may be a pleasant person who you just can’t see yourself dating or he may drone on and on about himself. In either case, you are under no obligation to spend more than 30 minutes with him. Some women worry that they are not being “nice” if they leave too quickly.
But not wasting his time or giving him false expectations is far kinder than smiling and nodding when you aren't engaged.
If that is the case, finish your drink or coffee, thank him for his time, and tell him, that while you have really enjoyed getting to know him, you don’t think it’s a match.
Be kind. You don’t have to explain or give your date a reason why you don’t think you are a match. A simple we’re not a match is fine.
If your date asks or insists that you give him a reason. It’s best to keep your reason vague. A vague response doesn’t give your date ammunition if they are inclined to argue with you. Saying something like “it’s just how I feel” answers the question in a way that should limit additional discussion.
I used to say “Thank you so much for taking the time to come out tonight. I really enjoyed our conversation and while I don’t think it’s a match, and I suspect you agree, It was very pleasant getting to know you. Should we get the check?"
If your date is enjoying himself, he may assume that you are having a great time also. Giving him the opportunity to agree that you aren’t a match allows him to save face, and allows you to move on to something more satisfying. Mission accomplished.
Don’t Blame yourself
While a bad date can be disappointing, it has nothing to do with you. It’s not an indication of how interesting or desirable you are. Just as you aren’t going to be attracted to everyone you meet, every man is not going to be attracted to you. If he is the one to say, thanks, but I don’t feel that we are a match take a moment to be grateful for his honesty. Honesty is far better than false hopes and time spent waiting for a text that will never come.
Your dating strategy
As a professional woman, you likely spend a good part of your working life developing annual plans, staffing plans, marketing plans, and financial plans.
If you’d like to know more about how you can develop a customized dating plan to reduce your dating drama and find a great guy faster, I can help.
My coaching practice is dedicated to ensuring that successful women achieve the same success in their romantic relationships as they've had in their careers.
We all help sometimes to make our dreams a reality. If you are ready to stop wasting time and to make finding your Mr. Right a reality, the first step is to book a free dating strategy call. On this call, we’ll discuss your needs, dating priorities, and how we can partner to design a customized dating strategy that will empower you to find the relationship you desire with less emotional toll.
About Me
Hi, I’m Rachel Simeone and my coaching practice is designed to empower high-achieving professional women to achieve the same success in their romantic relationships that they've had in their careers. As you follow my signature coaching program, you will learn to escape the misery of awful dates, meet better men and accelerate your ability to find a great partner.
Check out my program to learn more about how we can partner to develop your custom dating strategy to the right relationship.
To get started, schedule a free dating strategy call. On this call, we’ll identify your dating goals, establish your dating style, and discuss a dating strategy that will empower you to find the relationship you desire faster and with less emotional toll
