Dating is like learning another language

When love came for me, it knocked in French. My husband is French, and before meeting him, the only French words I knew were things to eat - croissant, café, and beignet. The idea of carrying on a real conversation in French felt impossible, just as dating can feel when you’re struggling to connect with the right person.

My dream was to understand my husband’s family at holiday meals, just are hoping to meet a worthy partner. I downloaded Duolingo and committed to practicing French for 10 minutes daily. Over time, I realized that the same principles that helped me learn French also applied to dating.  Just like learning a language, finding love isn’t about luck—it’s about using the right tools, building the right skills, and being consistent. Here’s what I discovered:

Choose the right tools

The first step for language learning and dating is to find the right tools. Finding the right resources often requires experimenting with different resources to discover what works best for you.

When I first started learning French, I used Duolingo. While it was great for early vocabulary building, I needed a more structured approach to grammar. A friend loved Busuu, so I switched, and it was a much better fit. Still, no one tool had everything I needed, so I supplemented my learning with podcasts and children's books in French. Through trial and error, I found the right combination that worked for me.

Dating works the same way. You might start with one app, but if it doesn’t have enough men in your age range or location, it might not be the best fit. Maybe you’re hesitant about speed dating, but recognize that it puts you in contact with men who are serious about finding a relationship. You might need to try different social activities before realizing that salsa lessons bring you into contact with the most eligible single men.

The key is to experiment. Success in dating comes from testing different approaches until you find the combination that works for you.

Consistency is key

When I started learning French, I didn’t have the time to commit to studying hours every day Instead, I committed to one Duolingo lesson every morning with my cup of tea. Do I want to do it every morning? No, not always. But the only way to get better is to be consistent, so every morning when I have tea, I also study French.

Dating requires the same mindset. You don’t need to be on dating apps every day, but staying engaged consistently—whether through apps, social events, or new activities—gives you the best chance of meeting the right person. You never know when your ideal partner will show up, so the key is to stay open to opportunities, go on dates, and kiss some frogs!

Things don’t happen on your timeline

When COVID hit, I found myself moving to France. And I thought - this is my chance. If I keep at it, I will speak French within a year or 18 months. The reality? I had more learning to do before I would understand Erik’s family at dinner. Progress didn’t happen on my schedule—it happened in its own time and through incremental progress

Many of my clients come to dating coaching feeling ready for a relationship. They’ve done the self-work, know what they want, and are prepared to meet their person. But love doesn’t work on a schedule, and you can’t control when the right person will show up.

Instead of focusing on the timeline, focus on the process, not just the outcome. Treat every date, conversation, and experience as an opportunity for self-reflection and growth. Trust that as long as you stay open and engaged, the right connection will come when it’s meant to.

Sometimes you have to stumble

It's not fun to forget to say bonjour at a French grocery store and be pointedly corrected. Similarly, calling a friend to wish her a happy birthday and saying ma amie (grandmother) instead of mon amie (friend) isn’t my proudest moment.

Going on boring, awkward dates isn’t fun, and falling for someone who can’t return your feelings is discouraging. Dating requires trial, error, and perseverance. But just like language learning, it is an opportunity for self-reflection and growth, and mistakes and setbacks are often an important part of the journey.

Each experience, even the challenging ones, brings you a greater understanding of yourself and what you want in a relationship. You’ll learn when to ask about long-term intentions and identify which qualities truly matter in a partner. It’s through these moments that you learn, grow, and refine your approach. The right connection is waiting for you, and each misstep is simply a part of the path that will lead you there. The key is to keep going.

Choose the right guide

A mentor is a key part of the hero's journey, and that’s true for language learning and dating.

My husband has been a patient, kind, and occasionally rigid guide on my journey to the French language. (It took me forever to say joueur properly) 

Do you have someone who can help keep you positive and motivated? The best guide is someone who celebrates your successes and helps you rebuild your confidence when dating feels discouraging. It could be a close friend who lifts your spirits after a bad date, a family member who offers thoughtful perspectives, or even a dating coach who provides expert guidance.

Finding the right support system can make all the difference. The right guide can help smooth the road and make the journey easier and more enjoyable.

Dating Is a Skill—And You Can Learn It

Dating isn’t just about luck—it’s a skill you can develop, like learning a new language.
If you’ve ever doubted whether you’ll meet the right person, remember: Relationships aren’t reserved for the lucky few. They are built by those who are intentional about their journey, who keep showing up, and who refine their approach as they go. The good news? You don’t have to do it alone.

If you’re tired of navigating dating by yourself and want expert guidance, I can help. Together, we’ll identify what’s been holding you back, refine your dating strategy, and ensure you’re making meaningful connections with high-quality partners. Schedule a free data strategy call today, and let’s create a personalized plan to help you find the love you deserve.

Good luck!

About Me 

Hi, I’m Rachel, and my coaching practice is dedicated to ensuring that successful professional women achieve the same success in their romantic relationships that they have in their careers.

If you are struggling to find a great partner to date or marry, I can help.

As a coach, I understand that each person's journey to a great partner is unique. That's why I offer customized coaching plans for your situation.

In our work together, we’ll uncover any patterns or beliefs that may be standing in your way and create a personalized path to help you move forward with confidence. I’ll be there to support you every step of the way.

If this resonates with you, let’s connect. A dating strategy session could be your first step toward creating the relationship you’re looking for.